


How to come out to Wade Wilson

by dataantidote



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Peter Parker, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Biromatic, Coming Out, F/M, Gwen Stacy is Dead, M/M, Mentioned Gwen Stacy, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker and Wade Wilson First Meet, Peter Parker is a Mess, Sexuality Crisis, Sort Of, peter is just tired, sex neutral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dataantidote/pseuds/dataantidote
Summary: Peter fucked up.He knew exactly the moment he told Deadpool he was bisexual.He had fucked up.Big time.------aka Peter messing up his chance to come out to Wade as asexual and him deciding how to proceed further after that
Relationships: Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 21
Kudos: 194





	How to come out to Wade Wilson

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy, thank you for showing interest in my fic!
> 
> I tried to depict some struggles asexuals and a-specs might have as well as some conflicted feelings about coming out! (some of you may have encountered similar feelings)  
> As an biromatic asexual myself, I did it to the best of my knowledge. Please excuse any errors because english is not my first language but I tried anyway!
> 
> I personally think we need some more fanfiction about asexuality that depicts a greater variety of the struggles we go through!

Peter fucked up. 

He knew exactly the moment he told Deadpool he was bisexual.  
He had fucked up.  
Big time.  
\----  
Peter watched the raindrops racing down the glass in front of him.  
It looked like they were chasing after each other while the world outside became darker with every passing second.  
They recreated the melody of the sleeping city when they hit his window in irregular intervals. 

Peter had returned to his apartment but he had wandered the streets for a good few hours prior. It had been his attempt at getting his thoughts in some kind of order. However, even after a few hours, there was no solution in sight. It was the other way around, his thoughts were even messier and more tangled into one another than before. 

Peter had just gotten home when the sun began to rise and left traces of colour upon the sky. Somehow the sunrise had been replaced with a light rain spraying against the window over his desk. With each minute the drops became heavier. He kicked his shoes off, threw his backpack onto his bed and hung up his coat before immediately walking straight towards his desk. 

He wasn´t done thinking yet.

See this was the thing about Peter and unfinished thoughts, he couldn’t let them be. He had to think them through and bring it to an end. However the end may look like. Sometimes it was him making peace with things he couldn't change and sometimes it was developing a plan to take action. And Peter wasn’t certain yet which way the solution to his current problem would look like. Thinking about it, he didn’t really know how he should handle any of this yet. 

Actually, he didn’t know how he felt at this moment either.  
It was all kind of fuzzy and heavy and sort of panicky at the same time.  
Like someone had taken a spoon and carved out a piece of his chest just to fill the missing space up with cotton and ants, if that was even possible.  
But there was no better way to describe the feeling he experienced right now. 

Peter ran a hand over his face and sat down. He must have been standing up against his desk for a few minutes now. Sometimes he got so lost in his thoughts he forgot everything around him. Peter sighed as he made some space for resting his arms on this desk. He created a pile of all his college textbooks and designs for new web-shooters and other papers lying around and put them aside. 

He wouldn’t be able to focus on them anyways.  
It had always been this way. If something keeps Peters mind busy he can not focus on anything else. The thoughts would keep nagging at the back of his brain until he gave in. And right now the thing keeping him busy was rather large and scary.  
And he knew he would be only able to focus again if he found a solution.

\------

Peter never really told Deadpool directly he was bisexual.  
It had rather been a bit of a mess. 

They had been hanging out on a rooftop one night. Just the two of them. Like it has been their thing for a while now.  
After an especially draining or eventful patrol, Peter usually picked a high building with a good view to sit down and relax for a while before calling it a night.  
And somehow Deadpool had managed to always show up exactly at the rooftops Peter had picked randomly. 

At first, it had freaked him out a bit. Obviously!  
It is not very calming to know an assassin can find you almost anywhere if he wants to, but after some more nights, he started getting used to Deadpools company. Nevertheless, Peter always wondered how he knew exactly where to find him. But whenever he Deadpool the other claimed he knew because of his "Spidey-senses". His senses to find Spidey.  
Haha very funny. 

Well, sometimes he actually was rather funny, Peter had to admit. He found himself laughing quite a lot and goofing around with Deadpool most nights.  
If you had told Peter in High School he would be sort of best friends with an assassin in a few years he would have called you crazy. But here he was and it didn’t feel half as crazy. Somehow it felt more right than a lot of things that had happened in the past few years.

Another bonus point about Deadpool was that he always miraculously had food on his hands. Seriously, where the hell did he keep that stuff? One moment you were not paying attention and the next he was holding some tacos.  
Needless to say, Peter was beyond entertained by everything Deadpool did. 

And so time passed, they met on rooftops and talked and ate and did all those things over again about three thousand times more and somewhere along the lines Peter became to know Deadpool as Wade Wilson.  
And Wade became to know Spiderman as Peter Parker.  
And Peter had started to trust Wade. Everything he had told the other had been nothing but the truth. 

Until Peter just had to fuck it up.

\------

It had been an uneventful night. Nothing grave had happened while on patrol and the air had been simmering with pressing heat the whole day. They had met up on a rooftop again.  
Well, or Wade had found him.  
Whichever way you´d like to put it. 

The sweat from the heat made Peters suit stick to his back and the hot and humid air made his hairs curl a little bit at the ends. Peter pulled his mask down and put it in his lap while Wade made himself comfortable next to him on the ledge. They started some light conversation but soon drifted from one unrelated topic to another. Like they always did. 

"And then I told him to stick that toaster up his ass himself!! Peter, can you believe? Those people out there are getting weirder with every passing day!!" Wade exclaimed and threw his hands in the air.

"Bold of you to say, Wade!" Peter remarked, "Maybe you just hang out with the weird ones though!"

"But I hang out with youuu" Wade put on a pouty face and made big eyes. "As far as I am concerned you´re perfectly normal!!"  
Peter snorted. "Yeahhh, except for the fact I swing around in a spider suit every night. Wade, I think your sense of normality is a bit distorted"  
With that, the pout on the other mans face only grew in size. 

"Yellow, I know we shouldn´t be talking about normality but look at him! Other than Spidey-Business he is totally normal! Finnnne, I will prove it to you two!" Wade had whisper-yelled at the boxes in his head while Peter sat and watched the sunset. 

Peter had grown used to Wade being in constant discourse with the voices in his head and he didn´t mind. He thought they were no harm, actually, he felt like they made Wade even more endearing to him.  
Something about the way he tried to hide his conversations with them and somehow always failed to do so made Peter feel very fond about this whole thing. 

With an exasperated sigh, Wade turned around to face Peter.  
He put on an extra curious expression. "Sooo Spidey-Boy tell me something about your life, your totally normal life. Make it so normal it physically hurts to listen to you." 

Peter smirked, "So you can tell White and Yellow and prove them wrong?"  
While the comment had left Peter's mouth, Wade's facial expression changed.  
His eyes grew wide and his whole face and body seemed to grow longer.  
He took a deep breath in and screamed in a high pitched voice "You heard ????"  
Laugher started to boil up inside of Peter and made his way to the outside. The moment felt bubbly and easy like it always did with Wade.  
In between laughs, he managed to say "Of course! I always do."  
Meanwhile, Wade had dropped the comical expression on his face and joined him laughing.  
"I know, but it´s still fun to make you roll with laughter every time.”, he added while his face had moulded into a caring smile towards Peter.

Once the laughter had died down a little bit Wade got up to lay on this stomach. Facing Peter, he rested his face on his hands while swaying his feet in the back. Classical Deadpool.

"Now, I still want to hear about your life regardless of what the boxes say!"  
"Really?" Peter raised an eyebrow at Wade "You know everything already."  
"Then enlighten me another time."  
Now it was Peters turn to let out a deep sigh and mutter an okay. 

"Soo, as you are aware Wade, I am a college student. Biology to be exact. And I live in a tiny apartment with a shitty view. Ehm, I take pictures for a newspaper. " Peter did his best to tick all the boxes of a normal life off while talking about his life. "I lived with my aunt up until recently and we still are in contact almost every single day"  
Wade nodded and he heard him mutter: "Sounds normal so far, right Yellow?", under his breath. 

Peter skipped the part with the dead parents and uncle because it would have busted Wade's bubble.  
It was not like Wade did not know anyway, he had told him all of this multiple before. This was more of a fun game to piss off the boxes. 

"Ehhh, let us see what else ... ahh, I had a best friend in high school and we study at the same university now. I have told you about Ned a thousand times before." Wade nodded along. "I broke my arm two times as a kid. I only own two pairs of jeans. We went on holiday to Europe once …  
Wow, I am really twisting my brain for something now. What else is perfectly normal?  
Mhmm, I had my first crush at 15, I´ve been in four relationships so far. Two girls, two guys, err what else..." 

When Peter had mentioned his past relationships Wades eyebrows had perked up.  
"You said I knew everything already!" His voice had a fake hurt tone. "You never told me that!" 

Peter's face began to heat up a little. Had he never mentioned it before?  
He was almost sure he did but he trusted Wade's memory (sort of).  
"Must have forgotten it then, or it has never been relevant before.", he excused himself while scratching his neck.  
"And anyway it is as normal as any of the other stuff," he said getting a bit defensive.  
"Oh, of course, it is!" Wade exclaimed "It's just new information for me, that's why I got so excited.  
Soooo you´re bisexual then?" Wade asked while looking onto the skyline before them.

And Peter nodded.

And this marks exactly the point Peter had fucked up.

Right then and there he should have told Wade that no, he wasn´t really bisexual.  
Somehow yes but at the same time no.  
Should have told him that yes, he had had sex with male and female partners before but no, he did not feel sexually attracted to any of them.  
But he hadn't. 

He hadn’t told Wade and he could kick himself for it!  
Now he was sitting on his desk in his apartment and replayed this moment in his head over and over.  
What he could have done differently, what he could have said instead of you nodding along.  
He cursed himself multiple times for not speaking up already.

He hates the way this makes him feel, hates the way he just froze in this situation. His useless brain and his useless body letting him down right then and there. And he knows all the excuses he is making up are not good and will not satisfy the feeling in his chest.  
It is not a good excuse that he was too lazy to elaborate, not a good excuse that he didn´t want to ruin the night.  
But it is the truth. It was the way he felt in this moment like he couldn't say another word right then and there.

He hadn't told Wade because he was tired of explaining.  
After all, it was easier to go along with the label of bisexual. He had done it a thousand times before. Most people kind of knew the concept of bisexuality nowadays.  
However, talking about asexuality would open up an entirely different can of worms most of the time. 

Peter trusted Wade. Hell, he had trusted Wade with his identity when he first took off his mask and told him his real name. He trusted him further when he told him his entire life story. He was sure he told Wade so much about himself, he could figure out all his passwords if he really wanted to.  
He trusted him with his life in every battle they fought together and he knew Wade felt the same about him. 

But still, the moment Wade had asked about his sexuality he had just nodded along.  
Not because he was afraid of Wade's reaction. He admitted to himself that the fact that Wade was so openly vocal about his sexual attraction to other people planted doubt in Peters mind. Maybe Wade wouldn't understand, maybe he wouldn't accept him  
but  
at the same time, he knew Wade would never make fun of someone's sexuality.  
He would always listen and try to understand. After all, Wade was not straight either so he got it, the stress of figuring yourself out and the added stress of telling others about it.  
But somehow Peter's brain did not process any of this information in the exact moment. 

Coming out was hard for Peter, whoever it was he came out to and however many times he had done it before.  
It is emotional labour and left him drained every single time he had done it. The last couple of years he had gotten used to going with the easier version, saying he was bisexual and saving himself the trouble of explaining but it had never felt right. 

The last year of high school he had come out to a lot of people, people that were close to him and of which he thought they deserved to know.  
And not every coming out had gone easy. He had explained the concept of asexuality over and over and over and over.  
You see, explaining being gay or pansexual was hard in itself but explaining asexuality was on a whole other level.  
Or at least for Peter, it felt this way.  
And he became tired, so tired of explaining. When he thought about having to go on another rant about his sexuality to someone he usually retreated into his shell and took the easy way out nowadays.

But he knows he owes Deadpool more, Wade isn't just anyone. Peter would admit he is one of the few people he is close to right now and he deserves to know.  
Just like he told all of his ex-partners at some point at the beginning of their relationship. 

But still, sometimes it just felt like the whole world was again him and his existence. Telling someone you like both genders will get you strange reactions from some close-minded people but telling someone you are asexual deeply offends a lot of people.  
Even within the LGBTQA+ community.  
They feel like you go against nature, they made Peter feel like a mutant for most of his life.  
Now, he was a mutant of some sorts but his sexuality had nothing to do with him being Spiderman.  
He had felt like this before he had gotten bitten. 

Those people, they couldn’t comprehend living in a world where someone can not feel sexual attraction. Their mind couldn’t understand the concept. They acted like Peter had offended their humanity when he told them. Of course, he had cut off those people from his life one by one but the way they looked at him and the words they said to him left a scar inside of him. It was something he couldn’t simply forget, however much he wanted to.  
Even if he knew they weren’t right and his feelings were valid. 

They told him to wait around for the right person, to grow up, to go and see a doctor. They told him that he was too young to know.  
Funnily they were the same age as him and they seemed sure of their sexualities. They also tried to declare him a late bloomer regarding those things.  
Peter is 23 now and he still feels no sexual attraction, how long should he wait then?!  
Other people aged younger than him seemed to do fine experiencing sexual attraction. 

They told him to just wait around for the right one, the person that will “fix” him.  
Peter didn´t need any fixing. Thank you very much. 

In fact, Peter had found the right person a long time ago.  
Gwen was perfect in every way possible and she understood. Understood him and his sexuality. She wasn´t offended when he had told her she did not sexually appeal to him. He had been just as nervous coming out to her as he always was but honestly, it had been one of the best coming out experiences he ever had. Gwen listened to him and asked all the right questions.  
He never felt judged by her.  
They had sex too. And it was great, it had been just another way of showing intimacy for them.  
For Peter, it had been on a par with kissing and everything else they did. It had not been the highest achievement of their relationship or the best type of love he ever experienced.  
That was the way the media had always portrait it, as the height of a relationship, and Peter never understood this narrative.

Peter took his eyes off the rain trickling down the window and looked onto his desk.  
There it was. His picture with Gwen. Neatly framed standing on the side of his desk.  
He took the frame into his hands and traced his fingers over the glass. 

Just as there are endless individual experiences there also are endless ways sexuality manifests itself.  
Some asexuals are sex-repulsed, some are neutral, some are positive and this fact changes nothing on their asexuality. Peter counted himself as neutral, he had done it with his partners in the past and sometimes he masturbated too, it was just different.  
Not experiencing sexual attraction does not mean you can have no libido or sex drive. But when he did have sex he usually thought of nothing. It was just movements. Even with Gwen, when he had closed his eyes he wasn´t able to imagine her or something along those lines.  
He never felt anything close to somewhat sexual attraction when he had looked at her.  
Not that he even understood what he should have felt.  
He had thought that sexual attraction was an elaborate joke for most of his teen years.  
Even now he wasn’t sure he understood it fully. 

Sometimes Peter thinks it would have been easier for him if he was sex-repulsed.  
It wouldn´t be such a stretch for everyone involved if he did simply not participate in any sexual activity but here he was.  
How do you explain to someone that you are asexual but still don’t mind having sex from time to time?  
Most people would not understand, sex equals attraction in their mind. 

Gwen had understood him. 

He had made peace with losing her but it still hurt from time to time.  
Thinking about losing the person who understood you the most, the person who fits your side like a perfect puzzle piece. 

Until Wade had come along, he had never felt the same with another person. Wade gave him some of this security back, it felt like he could develop the same trust with him as he had with Gwen. 

But right now Peter felt as if he was on the best path of ruining this trust if he didn’t come clean to Wade soon.

\--

Coming out is hard but it is harder living with the knowledge Wade is only aware half of the truth.  
He wants the misconceptions he planted in Wade's brain to vanish, wants him to know the whole truth.  
Wade will know what Peter means when he says someone is handsome or attractive. There will be no confusion, Wade will understand he means in a platonic way. Wade will understand that Peter is not bisexual but biromantic.  
Peter won´t have to hide anything anymore. He´ll be able to fully be himself around Wade and feel comfortable. 

Even if it doesn´t make a big difference, it does for him. 

It feels better, clearer.

The rain has started to become lighter outside and the daylight starts to make its way through the heavy clouds.  
Peter must have been sitting and thinking for hours but that doesn’t matter now.  
What is important is the solution he finally found after all.

Peter takes his phone out of his pocket and opens his contacts.

To: Wade  
From: Peter

Hey Wade, there is something I want to tell you. Something I need to get right. Find me on a random rooftop tonight after patrol? 

See you there,  
Peter

Peter will come out to Wade.  
And it will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I don´t see a lot of representation for sexneutral or sex positive asexuals so I thought I´d provide some! Hopefully, some of you enjoy my depiction, if not please leave a comment and tell me where I went wrong!
> 
> I know coming out is hard for everyone, regardless of it being because we are gay, bisexual, trans, pan, ace or other!! And I am proud of you no matter what! Everyone should do it at their own pace!
> 
> I would appreciate some feedback or criticism on my writing!  
> Thank you for reading and have a lovely day!!


End file.
